January often arrives with a surge of hope. Gym memberships increase. Meal prep feels inspiring. Meditation apps are downloaded with the best of intentions. There is a collective belief that this will finally be the year things change.
And then February comes.
As a therapist, I see this cycle every year in the therapy room. Clients walk in during January energized and motivated, convinced that if they just try harder or stay disciplined enough, things will finally shift. A few weeks later, they return discouraged, frustrated, and quietly questioning themselves when old patterns resurface.
Research reflects what we witness clinically. Nearly 80 percent of fail by mid February. Not because people are lazy, broken, or uncommitted, but because change does not happen through force.
Our nervous systems do not change because a date on the calendar tells them to. They shift through safety, repetition, connection, and patterns that feel aligned with who we are at our core. Lasting change is not about more willpower. It is about understanding the deeper roots beneath our behaviors.
At Rooted Therapies, we believe healing and growth begin with understanding yourself, not fighting yourself. Sustainable change happens when you work with your nervous system rather than against it.
Why Resolutions Often Fall Apart
Most resolutions focus on outcomes instead of lived experience. Goals like be less anxious or get healthier sound clear, but they do not support you in the moments that actually shape behavior. The moments when you are tired, overwhelmed, disconnected, or emotionally flooded.
Motivation is often treated as the foundation of change, yet motivation is one of the least reliable tools we have. It rises and falls with stress, sleep, emotional load, and life circumstances. When motivation fades, people often assume they have failed rather than recognizing that the system itself was unsustainable.
Environment matters more than we are taught to believe. Your nervous system responds to cues constantly. The phone within reach. The food on the counter. The couch after a long day. These are not character flaws. They are nervous system responses.
Many resolutions also fail because they are rooted in expectation rather than meaning. They reflect who we think we should be rather than who we truly are. When change is disconnected from values, it rarely lasts.
When a Habit Is an Answer
Many of the habits people struggle to change are not random or impulsive. They often begin as answers to something deeper.
Habits that feel hard to stop can include alcohol, marijuana, gambling,, shopping, food, video games, staying busy, control, or chaos. What may have started as a way to cope, belong, regulate emotion, or feel safe can slowly become a lifestyle.
The question that creates movement is not only, how do I stop
The deeper question is, what is this answering for me right now
When we ask that question, we stop fighting ourselves and start listening.
Understanding the Roots Beneath Behavior
Most people try to change behavior by focusing on what they can see: the scrolling, procrastination, emotional eating, the avoidance. But behavior is only the surface.
Habits are rooted in the nervous system.
Our brains build pathways through repetition. These pathways form around experiences of safety, comfort, connection, and protection. Many habits began as intelligent responses to stress or unmet needs. They are not weak choices. They are learned patterns.
Emotion plays a powerful role. If a behavior brings relief, regulation, or escape, it becomes reinforced regardless of logic.
Identity matters deeply. How you see yourself influences what behaviors feel natural or impossible. Change that conflicts with identity often feels forced and fragile.
The environment provides constant cues. Your nervous system responds automatically, often before conscious awareness has a chance to intervene.
At , we approach behavior change through a trauma informed, nervous system aware lens. When you understand why a pattern exists, shame softens and choice expands. This is where freedom begins.
Distance Creates Clarity
One of the most common misconceptions about change is that you should have all the answers before you begin.
In reality, clarity often comes after distance.
Many people do not fully understand the role a habit plays until they step back from it. Creating space allows insight to emerge. It allows the nervous system to settle enough to see what was previously automatic.
Sometimes the decision to pause or change does not come with immediate certainty. Sometimes it is about trusting the process and allowing understanding to unfold with time.
This is how is built.
This theme was explored more deeply in a recent episode of the Rooted and Restored Podcast, where we discussed how habits often function as coping strategies long before they become patterns we want to change.
The Social Cost of Change
Change often comes with loss.
When someone begins to shift a habit, their social world may change as well. Relationships built around certain behaviors may fade. Familiar routines may disappear. This can feel lonely and destabilizing at first.
But it can also be revealing.
Over time, new rhythms form. New ways of connecting emerge. Presence replaces numbing. Depth replaces distraction. Many people discover parts of themselves they had never met because the habit had always been in the room first.
How Habits Begin to Heal
Lasting change is not about perfection. It is about awareness and self trust.
The patterns that shift most sustainably tend to follow these principles.
Start with function, not behavior. Ask what the habit is answering. Soothing anxiety. Creating belonging. Avoiding pain. Gaining control.
Choose nervous system friendly change. Small, tolerable shifts create safety. Safety creates consistency.
Expect inner negotiation. The voice that rationalizes is not failure. It is information.
Build self trust through follow through. Each kept promise strengthens self respect.
Replace belonging, not just the habit. If a behavior provided connection, new forms of connection must take its place.
Therapy as a Foundation for Lasting Change
Many people try to change aloneoffers a space to explore patterns with safety, curiosity, and support.
Through trauma-informed therapy, , and nervous system regulation, clients learn not just what they want to change, but why change has felt so difficult.
At Rooted Therapies in North Port Florida, we help individuals, couples, and families build emotional awareness, regulation, and sustainable rhythms that support long term mental health. Healing is not about fixing yourself. It is about reconnecting with yourself.
Change is possible. Not through force or perfection, but through aligned action, self understanding, and support.
If You Take One Thing Away
If a habit will not move no matter how hard you try, do not assume you are failing.
It may mean the habit has been protecting something tender.
Healing begins when we stop shaming that tenderness and start listening to it.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why does change feel so hard even when I want it
Because habits are often tied to safety and nervous system regulation, not just conscious choice.
Is this only about addiction
No. Overuse can show up in many behaviors. The common thread is what the behavior is answering.
Do I need to know the full reason before I change
No. Often distance creates clarity over time.
How can therapy help long term
Therapy helps uncover the function of patterns, regulate the nervous system, and build sustainable replacements for old coping strategies.
References
American Psychological Association. (2019). Making habits stick. APA Monitor on Psychology.
Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). Intrinsic motivation and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and well being. American Psychologist, 55(1), 68 to 78.
Duhigg, C. (2012). The Power of Habit. Random House.
National Institute of Mental Health. The brain and emotional regulation.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory. W. W. Norton & Company.
van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin Books.