The start of a new school year often looks like sharpened pencils, fresh notebooks, and backpacks lined up at the door. But for many kids, there’s more going on beneath the surface.
In counseling rooms, we see it every year. Kids of all ages, from brand new kindergartners to seasoned high schoolers, walk in carrying more than school supplies. They carry questions, fears, hopes, and “what ifs” that rarely get spoken out loud.
Research backs it up: 64% of kids ages 9–13 feel anxious about school in the weeks before that first day [1].
While parents are busy checking off supply lists, many children are quietly wondering:
“Will my friends still like me?”
“What if I can’t keep up this year?”
“Will I feel safe, seen, and steady?”
And it’s not just the kids. Eighty percent of parents admit to feeling anxious about their child returning to school, with the number climbing to 90% when that child is starting middle or high school [2].
When parents pause long enough to notice what’s going on inside, beneath the schedules, shopping, and routines, they create something far more valuable than a perfect first day outfit: a sense of safety, connection, and support right when kids need it most.
What They’re Really Carrying
Yes, there’s excitement about picking out a new lunchbox or decorating a locker. But right alongside it are the quieter, heavier thoughts kids don’t always share:
“Everyone thinks I’m fine, but I’m worried I won’t be good enough this year.”
“I’m scared I won’t know where to sit.”
“I miss summer. I don’t want to be stressed again.”
Big emotions often show up in small ways like headaches, stomachaches, restless nights, or extra clinginess at drop off. More than 60% of students experience physical symptoms of anxiety during transitional times like the start of a school year [1]. Sometimes, the “strong” ones, the ones who never complain, are holding the most inside.
Here’s the truth: behavior is communication. When adults slow down and get curious about what’s underneath without jumping to fix, it creates space for honesty and emotional safety to grow.
Support should match their stage:
- Younger kids thrive with reassurance and predictable routines.
- Tweens need steady presence while they figure out who they are.
- Teens need to be treated like the capable humans they are with support available, not forced.
How to Help Without Overdoing It
- Start with listening, not fixing. Instead of jumping in with advice, ask, “What’s on your mind as school gets closer?” Just being heard can lower stress. Active listening has been shown to reduce perceived anxiety by up to 40% [6].
- Kids thrive on structure. Easing into bedtime and morning routines before the first day helps their bodies and minds adjust. Even moving bedtime 15 minutes earlier each night for a week can make a difference [6].
- Make space for the “what ifs.” Whether it’s a school walk through or a practice run of the morning routine, familiarity reduces fear. Exposure based preparation lowers anticipatory anxiety in over 70% of kids [6].
- Ask better questions. Instead of “Are you nervous?” try, “What are you most looking forward to?” or “Is there anything you’re not looking forward to?”
- Offer presence over perfection. You don’t need the perfect words, just calm, steady presence and an open heart.
Different Ages, Different Worries
For elementary aged kids, worries are often rooted in the small, day to day details: Where does my backpack go? What if I need to use the bathroom? Who will I sit with? Separation anxiety is also common, affecting up to 4% of children in these early years [3].
By middle school, the focus shifts toward belonging. Even if they don’t say it out loud, many are quietly scanning the hallways wondering, Do I still fit in? Will I be enough for my friends this year? Research shows that social acceptance is the number one stressor for 6th to 8th graders, even outranking academics [4].
High school students often juggle multiple pressures at once including grades, college plans, relationships, and identity. Nearly 70% report feeling stressed about grades and their future “often” or “always” [5].
Support should match their stage:
- Younger kids thrive with reassurance and predictable routines.
- Tweens need steady presence while they figure out who they are.
- Teens need to be treated like the capable humans they are with support available, not forced.
- How to Help Without Overdoing It
Start with listening, not fixing. Instead of jumping in with advice, ask, “What’s on your mind as school gets closer?” Just being heard can lower stress. Active listening has been shown to reduce perceived anxiety by up to 40% [6].
Kids thrive on structure. Easing into bedtime and morning routines before the first day helps their bodies and minds adjust. Even moving bedtime 15 minutes earlier each night for a week can make a difference [6].
Make space for the “what ifs.” Whether it’s a school walk through or a practice run of the morning routine, familiarity reduces fear. Exposure based preparation lowers anticipatory anxiety in over 70% of kids [6].
Ask better questions. Instead of “Are you nervous?” try, “What are you most looking forward to?” or “Is there anything you’re not looking forward to?”
Offer presence over perfection. You don’t need the perfect words, just calm, steady presence and an open heart.
We’re Here for the Hard Stuff
Not every child opens up easily. Some transitions are just harder. That’s when professional support can make all the difference.
At Rooted Therapies, our focus is on walking alongside kids, teens, and families through moments of change, helping them manage anxiety, adjust to new environments, and build confidence for the year ahead. Whether it’s children’s mental health support in North Port, school anxiety help, or parent coaching, sessions are designed to create safety, connection, and growth.
You can also tune in to the Rooted and Restored Podcast, where we explore real life kids and real situations, offering insight, hope, and practical tools for parents and caregivers.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do teenagers really feel about going ?
Many experience mixed emotions, excitement to reconnect with friends alongside anxiety about academics and changing social dynamics.
What are some common concerns for different age groups returning to school?
Younger children often worry about separation and new teachers. Middle schoolers focus on fitting in. High schoolers feel pressure about grades, college, and social standing.
How can parents help make the back to school transition easier?
Build consistent routines, create space for open conversations, support healthy friendships, and use school resources like counselors.
Why is social media such a big factor for students today?
It shapes identity and connection but can also create pressure and open the door to challenges like cyberbullying.
What do teenagers wish adults understood about their generation?
They want their experiences taken seriously, understanding that growing up today is different, more complex, and deeply impacted by academics, culture, and technology.
References
[1] CBS News. (2024). Back-to-school anxiety on the rise among children. https://www.cbsnews.com
[2] NatWest Group. (2023). Parent anxiety levels during back-to-school transitions. https://www.natwestgroup.com
[3] Parents Magazine. (n.d.). Separation anxiety in children: What parents should know. https://www.parents.com
[4] FENews. (2024). Social acceptance overtakes academics as top stressor for middle school students. https://www.fenews.co.uk
[5] New York Post. (2024). Teen stress over grades and future plans hits record high. https://nypost.com
[6] Popsugar. (2024). How parents can ease back-to-school stress for kids. https://www.popsugar.com